My First Blog
A blog - new territory for me. I know I enjoy writing and I also like the concept of others actually seeing what I am writing (well - maybe - does anyone actually read some of these blogs that exist). So, what pushed me to this effort?
Crazy. The guy I fell in love with almost four years ago. It sounds funny to say - it only lasted three months, but has had a lasting impact on me. The internet provides this great mechanism to "spy" on those who enjoy being in the "public" eye. Of course, we continued to chat over the years - under the guise of a "friendship." As he always said, "we are both great guys, our timing was just off." So great guys can still be friends right? So, I kept the communication channels open and when they broke down or were slow, I could monitor him via Friendster, his blog, or his failed run for public office.
I watched and listened when he met a guy who was "just some guy I am dating." I also watched and listened when he, told me he was moving back to LA from SF and that, oh by the way, "that guy" was moving with him. He continued to downplay the whole thing - "we will give it a try - there is a very good probability that it will not work." I am not sure why we feel we have to downplay the status of our new boyfriends with our old boyfriends. I know I am guilty of the same thing. Maybe we are trying to protect them from the harsh reality of "you were not the one, but he is."
In March of this year, I ran into them. It was a total Sex in the City moment. My boyfriend had dropped me off at the mall and he went to drop a few things off at his office. I walked out of a store and literally ran into my ex and "that guy." Fortunately, I do well under pressure and came across extremely smooth and polished. "That guy" on the other hand, did not (or maybe it was me hoping that he was not as smooth and polished as me). Small talk was exchanged. My boyfriend called me on my cell and the couple indicated they needed to get going. As I walked into Banana Republic to try and continue my shopping, my heart was racing and the world was spinning. My boyfriend could even tell something was wrong (on the phone). On a side note - significant discussions were held between my boyfriend and I later that day as to why this guy from 4 years ago still causes me so much angst.
So, that was it. It was now time to write the ex off - no more Friendster, no more blog, no more phone calls. Every time I heard of him or saw him, it caused too much heartache. Plus, I am dating a great guy, who deserves so much more than me holding the torch for something that happened so long ago.
I was doing great - until yesterday. I was just back from vacation, was coming down with a cold, and just overall not in a good place. It was slow at work and I thought, "I will just take a look at the blog - how much can that hurt?"
"We have put an offer down on a home" were the first words I saw.
Confusion, anger, pain - and now I am blogging.
Crazy. The guy I fell in love with almost four years ago. It sounds funny to say - it only lasted three months, but has had a lasting impact on me. The internet provides this great mechanism to "spy" on those who enjoy being in the "public" eye. Of course, we continued to chat over the years - under the guise of a "friendship." As he always said, "we are both great guys, our timing was just off." So great guys can still be friends right? So, I kept the communication channels open and when they broke down or were slow, I could monitor him via Friendster, his blog, or his failed run for public office.
I watched and listened when he met a guy who was "just some guy I am dating." I also watched and listened when he, told me he was moving back to LA from SF and that, oh by the way, "that guy" was moving with him. He continued to downplay the whole thing - "we will give it a try - there is a very good probability that it will not work." I am not sure why we feel we have to downplay the status of our new boyfriends with our old boyfriends. I know I am guilty of the same thing. Maybe we are trying to protect them from the harsh reality of "you were not the one, but he is."
In March of this year, I ran into them. It was a total Sex in the City moment. My boyfriend had dropped me off at the mall and he went to drop a few things off at his office. I walked out of a store and literally ran into my ex and "that guy." Fortunately, I do well under pressure and came across extremely smooth and polished. "That guy" on the other hand, did not (or maybe it was me hoping that he was not as smooth and polished as me). Small talk was exchanged. My boyfriend called me on my cell and the couple indicated they needed to get going. As I walked into Banana Republic to try and continue my shopping, my heart was racing and the world was spinning. My boyfriend could even tell something was wrong (on the phone). On a side note - significant discussions were held between my boyfriend and I later that day as to why this guy from 4 years ago still causes me so much angst.
So, that was it. It was now time to write the ex off - no more Friendster, no more blog, no more phone calls. Every time I heard of him or saw him, it caused too much heartache. Plus, I am dating a great guy, who deserves so much more than me holding the torch for something that happened so long ago.
I was doing great - until yesterday. I was just back from vacation, was coming down with a cold, and just overall not in a good place. It was slow at work and I thought, "I will just take a look at the blog - how much can that hurt?"
"We have put an offer down on a home" were the first words I saw.
Confusion, anger, pain - and now I am blogging.
posted by The Random Gay Guy at 2:15 PM
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