Wednesday, July 20, 2005

When Divas Get Old.

Last night I watched a weird documentary on HBO about old burlesque queens from the 1940's and 1950's. From the first moments I was hooked. A young woman was going from place to place interviewing these former divas (who are now all in their 70's and 80's) while flashing back to pictures and movie clips from their days of glory. It was fascinating.

It was also depressing. These women were beautiful in their prime. Great bodies, good skin, perky breast and now..... Well, they all looked like hell. As a gay man, I can pretty quickly go down the dark path of obsessing over my looks and, more particularly, my fading youth. With each passing year I find myself buying a little more at the Kiehls counter and paying more attention to those crows feet that seem to be getting a little deeper each and every day.

However, when I start to go down the path of wallowing in self pity on the simple fact that I am 35 (and 40 is right around the corner), I have to yank myself out of that mind track and appreciate the benefits of my age. I appreciate the "wisdom" I like to think I have gained over the past few years and also appreciate the financial security I have gained. I remember the stressful years of my 20's where money was often short - not a fun time.

So, I always need to remind myself that my goal is to age gracefully. Of course, I will do certain things to keep looking good: exercise, skin care products, etc. However, I will not go down the slippery slope of plastic surgery. We all have the 60 something gay male friend that has done this and now looks like some type of burn victim (do they really think it looks normal).

Of course, the last thoughts that wandered through my mind as I fell asleep watching this documentary was the need to enjoy every moment now. The day will come when no one looks at me when I enter a bar. I need to be prepared to accept that. The initial impulse is to go out and sleep with as many men as possible and hold on to that youth and beauty for as long as I can. Fortunately, all that wisdom I have earned helps me realize this comes with risks and, in the long run, does not compare to a relationship......

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