Focus
My boyfriend and I were watching numerous episodes of Sex and the City this weekend (yes, he is now hooked to my pirated DVDs as well). He made more than a few comments regarding "what women" the gals of SATC were. Well, of course, they act like women, that is what the show is about. However, he dug deeper and remarked how their lives revolved around men. Obviously, it is a tv show and probably a little skewed from reality (in regard to the focus of these gals' lives).
However, I started to think about my own life and my focus. It often seems that my life revolves around men and relationships. When I think about what the largest percent of my thought time is spent on, I can honestly say that men and relationships rank up in the top 3 items. This is the total opposite of my boyfriend, who seems to rarely think of men and relationships. It appears to be more of a "plug and play" mentality with him. At one point, when he was in the dating trenches, he probably thought about it a lot. Now that he is in a relationship, he can focus on other more productive things (his work, writing a book, reading, etc.). In fact, we both note how our therapy sessions (different therapists) are totally opposite. I always talk about my relationship - he always talks about his work and the stresses associated with such.
Why is this? While working out this AM, I tried to drill down on this question. I wonder if it has to do with the fact that I got married to my college sweetheart at such a young age (23). Prior to this, I really did not date. I remained married until I was 30. Accordingly, I missed the prime years of dating and relationship "hell" that so many others go through. Granted, I spent 5 years in the trenches and feel like I should have gotten my fill, but why do I still focus on it?
When I was married, I can honestly say my focus was elsewhere. I channeled my sexual energy into work, saving for a house, and building the "perfect" life. Since 2000 (when I walked away from what I had built), I have accomplished much (bought a home, built a network of friends, obtained my MBA), but still feel as if the focus of my past 5 years has been men and relationships.
I guess I hoped it would all end once I found a boyfriend. Well, it has not. Periodically, my focus will move (for a brief period). During this time, I get so much more accomplished - I read, I write more, I do home improvement projects. I love these times. However, I ultimately slide back into the mire of obsessing over my current relationship and discussing men and relationships ad nauseam with my friends.
Who knows why my brain is wired this way. I guess that is why I am in therapy......
However, I started to think about my own life and my focus. It often seems that my life revolves around men and relationships. When I think about what the largest percent of my thought time is spent on, I can honestly say that men and relationships rank up in the top 3 items. This is the total opposite of my boyfriend, who seems to rarely think of men and relationships. It appears to be more of a "plug and play" mentality with him. At one point, when he was in the dating trenches, he probably thought about it a lot. Now that he is in a relationship, he can focus on other more productive things (his work, writing a book, reading, etc.). In fact, we both note how our therapy sessions (different therapists) are totally opposite. I always talk about my relationship - he always talks about his work and the stresses associated with such.
Why is this? While working out this AM, I tried to drill down on this question. I wonder if it has to do with the fact that I got married to my college sweetheart at such a young age (23). Prior to this, I really did not date. I remained married until I was 30. Accordingly, I missed the prime years of dating and relationship "hell" that so many others go through. Granted, I spent 5 years in the trenches and feel like I should have gotten my fill, but why do I still focus on it?
When I was married, I can honestly say my focus was elsewhere. I channeled my sexual energy into work, saving for a house, and building the "perfect" life. Since 2000 (when I walked away from what I had built), I have accomplished much (bought a home, built a network of friends, obtained my MBA), but still feel as if the focus of my past 5 years has been men and relationships.
I guess I hoped it would all end once I found a boyfriend. Well, it has not. Periodically, my focus will move (for a brief period). During this time, I get so much more accomplished - I read, I write more, I do home improvement projects. I love these times. However, I ultimately slide back into the mire of obsessing over my current relationship and discussing men and relationships ad nauseam with my friends.
Who knows why my brain is wired this way. I guess that is why I am in therapy......
posted by The Random Gay Guy at 9:40 AM
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