Bill Frist.

I am so happy that Dr. Frist finally is acting and, more importantly, thinking like a doctor. His stance on the expansion of stem cell lines is a step in the right direction (and absolutely contra to what the White House says).

My boyfriend, who is a doctor, was in shock when Dr. Frist "diagnosed" Terry Shiavo via videotape. It was almost comical seeing how upset my boyfriend got when he discussed it. I think he mentioned something about Dr. Frist next questioning evolution and hopping on the creationism bus (and totally abandoning the scientific principles he should adhere to as a doctor). Obviously, Dr. Frist is an intelligent guy - you do not become a heart/lung transplant surgeon by being a dummy (even in Tennessee). However, what was he thinking? Clearly it was a move to pander to the religious right.

I am not sure why he is totally switching course now, but the religious right does not like it at all. I still marvel at the religious right and their maniacal support for George Bush and others who are of the same mindset. It is NOT ok to kill an embryo or someone who is completely brain dead, but it is ok to send young men off to their death. Why is this ok? Because these young men and women are killing Muslims, which is ok. I am pretty sure the Bible says that somewhere. Ok, maybe I am being a little ridiculous, but you get the point.....

Whatever the case, I am happy to see a leading Republican break rank from the White House. It will be interesting to see what ultimately happens....

The Boyfriend Files

A good friend of mine recently gave me pirated versions of the first four seasons of Sex in the City (he picked them up in China for $1 each - shhhh don't tell anyone). Anyway, I have been gorging myself on episodes of this very witty comedy.

As we all know, the show revolves around the lives of four single women in Manhattan. However, it is really a guise for the lives of four single gay men as the similarities between these gals and me and my gay friends are unmistakable. As I have watched the show, I see parts of myself in each of the characters and think back to many of the situations I have been involved in during my five years of being a single gay man (prior to 2000, I was married and closeted).

As I watch the shows, I cannot help but reflect on my past. In particular, I think how lucky I am to have gone through all the ups and downs of dating and falling in love. If nothing else, it makes for some great stories. I was considering writing about my top four romantic moments - each of which revolved around a kiss. They were, in my mind, absolutely spectacular. However, as I started to write the first installment, I realized I could not effectively convey the brilliance of the moment. Plus, does anyone want to read all the details surrounding the big event?

So, I am not going to do the four part series. Rather, I have the memories in my head and do not feel the need to document them in writing. I do, however, maintain boyfriend files. My boyfriend thinks this is crazy, but when I enter into a relationship, I create a file for that person and keep certain emails, cards, ticket stubs, etc. pertaining to our time together. For some reason, keeping such helps me "prove" that I had love - even if for just a brief moment.

I recently read that Jennifer Aniston's high school boyfriend was auctioning all of the documents from their relationship on eBay with a starting bid of $100,000. I forwarded the article to my boyfriend with a note saying, "another reason to keep the boyfriend files."

Option ARMS

I just read a fantastic article in the WSJ regarding the use of Option ARMs and the risk that bank's are putting on their balance sheets. Unfortunately, you need to have a subscription to read the article on-line, so I have included the text of the article below.

I hate the fact that the home purchase market has migrated to the same standards as the car purchase market. If you ever want to see me get mad, watch me negotiate a purchase of a car. When the finance guy at the dealership asks me "what do you want your payment to be?" I go crazy. Whatever happened to actually understanding or caring how much you are paying for the car itself?

Investors Fret Mortgage Balloons Will Burst
July 27, 2005; Page C1

There has been plenty of talk about a housing bubble, but very little about a mortgage bubble.

Now investors are starting to see worrisome signs in some banks' latest quarterly earnings reports. In others, such signs are absent. Good news? Nope, because disclosure is so poor at so many banks.

As home prices have soared, banks have been enticing customers with sweet-sounding mortgages that lower monthly payments, including interest-only loans. The most dangerous development is mortgages that offer payment options.

Typically, these so-called option adjustable-rate mortgages, or option ARMs, let customers choose how much to pay each month. They can make the standard principal-and-interest payment or pay just the interest. And then there's the even dicier option to make just a low minimum payment, as with a credit-card bill.

Hey, when there are Escalades to buy and home prices are always rising, you really have to learn to stop worrying and love that minimum payment. The catch is that the unpaid portion of the interest gets tacked onto the principal -- a "negative amortization" that increases the size of the mortgage. Left with more debt, the customer is more vulnerable to rising rates.

These products are advertised in misleading ways. Banks pitch that customers can pay back the loan at a rate of, say, 1%. But that's just the rate used to calculate the minimum payment in the first year, not the actual underlying rate. The rising popularity of option ARMs concerns some prudent banking executives, including Golden West Financial's Herb Sandler, who runs the midsize bank with his wife and sells plenty of the mortgages. Some lenders "are clearly faking their borrowers out," he says.

Along with Golden West, publicly traded lenders with big exposure to these products include Countrywide and Washington Mutual and smaller California banks such as Downey, First Fed and Indymac. Golden West has been selling them for 25 years and has a solid track record with them, even in recessions and rising-rate environments. When fully explained to the right customers, such as a Porsche salesman who makes plenty each year but doesn't know how much he'll score from month to month, "it's a terrific borrower loan," says Mr. Sandler. "We have never had a delinquency, much less a foreclosure, due to the structure of the loan."

But some banks are lowering their credit standards, sometimes qualifying borrowers based on their ability to make the minimum nut, not whether they can afford the whole deal. "That is an outrage," Mr. Sandler says.

Option ARMs are wonderful not just for borrowers who can't afford their houses, but also for investors who look only superficially at a bank's earnings report. A bank books the entire amount that a customer owes as income each month, not the minimum payment that's actually paid. Voilà, noncash earnings.

It gets better: The unpaid interest gets tacked on to the bank's outstanding loan total, allowing the bank to display loan growth, which investors love. "You get earnings and growth. What more can you ask for?" says Keefe, Bruyette & Woods analyst Fred Cannon.

But there could be credit problems down the road. And at some point, it's plausible regulators might fret about the bank's capital.

Last week, Golden West's stock took a hit after it disclosed how much its exposure to option ARMs has increased. The company reported that $160.2 million of its loans was actually unpaid interest tacked on to borrowers' principal -- that negative amortization I mentioned. That's a huge leap from last quarter's $90.2 million and $27 million in last year's second quarter.

The company reassures investors that the total is a mere 0.14% of its loans. But as a percentage of net interest income, the $70 million change in the negative amortization figure was 10% in the second quarter, compared with 5% in the first quarter and practically nothing a year ago, says Mr. Cannon.

Mr. Sandler says Golden West's lending practices are disciplined, so it won't get into trouble. The only risk, he concedes, is that home prices decline broadly, in which case all mortgages suffer, regardless of structure.

But good companies are often undermined by the irrational practices of competitors. It's not quite fair of me to pick on Golden West. I do so only because it fully discloses its exposure.

Other major banks are more reticent. Washington Mutual disclosed some aspects of its exposure for the first time this quarter, but left questions unanswered, says Mark Agah, analyst for independent research firm Portales Partners. It originated $19.6 billion of option ARMs in the second quarter, or 37% of its home-loan volume. WaMu didn't report the total amount of deferred interest beefing up its loan totals. Instead, it said option ARM borrowers' principal had grown by $26 million, or 0.04% of outstanding balances. That doesn't count all the deferred interest from borrowers who paid down their principal for a time but then started making minimum payments. Washington Mutual actively sells most of its option ARMs into the secondary market, but that market might not always be available on attractive terms.

A WaMu spokeswoman says in an email that the company is considering how best to disclose option ARM data.

Countrywide discloses even less. It says its second-quarter ARM volume was $67 billion, or 56% of its home-loan volume. But the company didn't disclose the percentage of option ARMs in its financial statements and doesn't disclose the amount of negative amortization. In response to questions from investors during its earning conference call yesterday, the bank said that 20% of its loan production this year has been option ARMs, at least 50% from California. Countrywide said on the call that it, too, planned to increase disclosure.

What should investors do? Problems won't come today or tomorrow, but don't look now: Rates, they are arisin', and that's when some borrowers will run out of options. At least investors still have some options left. Like reducing their exposure to mortgage banks.

Frightening.

I could not believe the story I was reading earlier this morning. Two gay Iranian teens had been publicly executed in Iran for having homosexual sex. Unbelievable.

If nothing else, it makes me appreciate the rights and freedoms we have here in the United States (although they still leave room for improvement when it comes to gay rights). However, being executed simply because you are gay? The fear these poor folks must live under - constantly worrying that they will be reported and sent to the gallows.

Of course, I have my fears about the religious right's backlash that is occurring here in the US, but could it ever get this bad? I certainly hope not.

I admire today's gay teens. You read so much more about gay youth and kids coming out of the closet much earlier than in the past. It is all about education and positive role models. The internet has transformed our society and made it much easier for these kids to realize they are not alone. By continuing to come out and show that we are here, we are normal, and we are contributing members of society, we will avoid situations like this horrible event in Iran.

Here is the link to the story:

http://www.alertnet.org/thenews/newsdesk/IRIN/8dcaa373b87d42b60ee8c395c49f9410.htm

Busy day today, so, I have to cut the post short. Over the next week, I will be working on a four part series entitled "The Kiss." Hope I have whetted your appetite!

Ghosts

I hate it, but I cannot help it. The ghost of my old relationship keeps disturbing my current state. For some of the details on this brief but painful relationship, check out my very first post. I am hoping that by writing about it I can flush this ghost out of my system.

While driving through LA with my boyfriend this weekend, I could not help but wonder where they (the ex and his new boyfriend) are buying a house. In my mind, the ex is making tons of money, his boyfriend does not have to work, and they are buying a beautiful Spanish style home in a great neighborhood. They will settle down and adopt two beautiful Asian kids with the boyfriend staying home to raise them. Am I crazy? Of course, the reality of the situation could be they are stretching to buy a condo in a not so great area of LA. However, my mind cannot help but envision "perfection."

I hate it as it impacts my current relationship. If only my boyfriend were a little taller (like the ex), a little more extroverted (like the ex), and the list goes on.... I must admit that the ex was very Bill Clintonesque and people seem to be naturally drawn to him.

This makes me wonder all the more - would I truly be happy in a relationship where I have to share someone so much? In my current relationship, I receive 100% attention when we are together. Additionally, my busy boyfriend (a very talented doctor in LA), calls me when he has small breaks during the day. How great is it to know that when my guy has a small moment of time, the one person he wants to talk to is me? I think about the ex and how I would wait days for a return call.....

When I write it all out, it seems so silly. However, it does impact me. Someday, I will be over it - it does get better with time. I just need to remember to leave the wound alone and not follow the treacherous loops my mind can take me on.

The following are the full lyrics from one of my favorite songs by the Indigo Girls (for a gay man, some of musical taste would get me mistaken for a lesbian). Anyway, the song is called "Ghost" and perfectly sums up my situation.

There's a letter on the desktop
that i dug out of a drawer
the last truce we ever came to
in our adolescent war
and i start to feel the fever
from the warm air through the screen
you come regular like seasons
shadowing my dreams
and the mississippi's mighty
but it starts in minnesota
at a place that you could walk across
with five steps down
and I guess that's how you started
like a pinprick to my heart
but at this point you rush right through me
and i start to drown
and there's not enough room
in this world for my pain
signals cross and love gets lost
and time passed makes it plain
of all my demon spirits
i need you the most
i'm in love with your ghost
dark and dangerous like a secret
that gets whispered in a hush
(don't tell a soul)
when i wake the things i dreamt about you
last night make me blush
(don't tell a soul)
and you kiss me like a lover
then you sting me like a viper
i go follow to the river
play your memory like a piper
and i feel it like a sickness
how this love is killing me
i'd walk into the fingers
of your fire willingly
and dance the edge of sanity
i've never been this close
i'm in love with your ghost
unknowing captor
you never know how much you
pierce my spirit
but i can't touch you
can you hear it
a cry to be free
oh i'm forever under lock and key
as you pass through me
now i see your face before me
i would launch a thousand ships
to bring your heart back to my island
as the sand beneath me slips
as i burn up in your presence
and i know now how it feels
to be weakened like achilles
with you always at my heels
this bitter pill i swallow
is the silence that i keep
it poisons me i can't swim free
the river is too deep
though i'm baptized by your touch
i am no worse than most
in love with your ghost
you are shadowing my dreams

Mornings

So, I was all prepared to write about a very serious topic today. I had been mulling it over most of the weekend (as something was lurking in the back of my mind and bothering me). However, work is busier than normal and I still want to think about this serious (in my mind) topic. So, I am going to write about something a little more simple and fun - my weekday mornings.

At some point in my life, I became a morning person. I think it had to be after college as I recall avoiding 8 AM classes in college like the plague. Since then I have come to appreciate so many things about mornings.

I am addicted to rituals - this is a blessing and a curse. My weekday mornings are steeped in ritual. Of course, the ritual changes periodically. I always set my alarm earlier than need be just so I can have the pleasure of hitting the snooze button multiple times. In fact, I generally, pull the alarm clock into bed with me after the first time and always end up searching through the sheets the next time it goes off. Eventually, I stop the snooze cycle, and, if it is after 7, I will call my boyfriend. If he does not answer, I check my Blackberry (always right next to the bed) and determine how yucky the workday is already looking. Lately, I have gotten into the bad habit of pulling my laptop into bed and checking email and instant messaging friends for a while before ultimately getting into the shower. Wow - did not realize I did so much in bed. It reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Kramer tried to do everything in the shower.

Anyway, I love getting ready in the morning. Something about being all clean and thinking I am just so cute in my white terry cloth towel.... Plus, I do not mind work clothes and am always happy when one of my favorite shirts is not at the cleaners and is just waiting for me to wear it. Always an indicator of a good day.

I finally work my way downstairs, pull my breakfast together (I take it to work and eat it there - nothing like multi-tasking) and leave. I always pass the front of my townhouse and evaluate my garden (i.e., does it need watering, trimming, or is it just looking darn good).

My commute is short - 15 minutes including the stop for coffee. However, I always call one of four people on the drive: my boyfriend, my ex-wife, or one of two good local friends. We chat while I catch bits and pieces of NPR.

I used to hit Starbucks on the way in, but eventually got sick of one too many bad cups of coffee. Plus, I like to root for the underdog. So, Dietrich's now gets my business (although I wish there was a Peet's on my route). I love the whole coffee buying ritual. I remember a Starbucks case from business school where they talked about the whole "experience" and that is what it is. I could easily get my coffee for free at work, but I like seeing all the business folks all dressed up and ready to start the day. I love the smell of fresh coffee brewing and the great music they always have playing. I like the fact that they know my order and the manager is such a hottie (with some of the best arms I have seen - with just a peek of tatoo showing around the shirt sleeve). You get it - I enjoy spending my $1.90 on a large coffee every morning.

Finally, I arrive at work. The walk in is long - almost 5 minutes. So, I balance my coffee, briefcase, and breakfast in such a way that I can always read the Wall Street Journal headlines while walking. I am surprised I have not killed myself yet (or at least tripped and spilled hot coffee all over myself).

So, that brings me to now.... Hopefully, this was not too painful (I like to think it is somewhat interesting as we all have these particular traits that make us "us"). A bonus for the reader that stayed with me the whole time is the attached link from a friend. An addiction to Gymboree - just too good to not include in the blog. Also, I will be writing about America's addiction to consumerism in the near future....

http://money.cnn.com/2005/07/20/pf/shopper_0508/index.htm?cnn=yes

Sunday Doldrums

A hot Sunday afternoon in LA. I am at the boyfriend's place and it is literally too hot to do anything. The day started with such promise. We woke up early, read the paper and then headed to Santa Monica for breakfast. It is always great to get out and about in LA on a Sunday before the other 95% of the world gets out and about. After breakfast, we took a nice short walk along the ocean and then decided to head home as it was getting very warm.

So, here we sit. He is working on his book and I am (of course) writing my blog. A Sunday with absolutely nothing to do and no social commitments. The thing we say we always want. However, we are both going crazy. Maybe it is cabin fever - at least if it was cool outside we could go for a walk, play some volleyball or something. Instead we sit.

How can it only be 1:30? Here I am worried about being bored and wanting the time to pass. However, tomorrow, when I am sitting at work, I will think longingly back on my afternoon of total and complete freedom. What is wrong with us?

My boyfriend just headed to the bedroom - maybe there is something we can occupy ourselves with this afternoon.......

It's too darn hot

I found myself humming the Cole Porter classic this morning as I got ready for work. It was 8 AM and my house was already stifling. Yes, Southern California is actually too hot right now.

It happens every year (although usually a little later than this). For a week or two, we actually feel something called humidity and the temperature goes above 90 degrees. For those of without air conditioning (like me), it makes life an utter hell.

Now remember, I come from the Midwest where hot and humid summers are expected. However, I do not remember having such an adverse reaction to it there. When did I become so weak when it comes to weather?

When I moved to California in the summer of 2000, most of the townhomes I was looking at did not have air conditioning. I remember being shocked and telling my realtor that people literally die without air conditioning in the Midwest. She kept reassuring me that I was close enough to the coast that it would not be an issue (those calming ocean breezes would keep it nice and cool). The place I ultimately bought is "wired" for air conditioning, but putting such in would require giving up some of my precious outside deck area.

So, every year when this happens, I find myself browsing the net to see how much it will cost me to install air conditioning. Like clockwork, just when I think that I cannot take it any more, the heat spell breaks and I forget all about the burning desire to get air conditioning. I am sure this time will be no different, but when you are breaking a sweat putting on your pants, you feel utterly helpless and see no way out.

Of course, I just checked the forecast and it looks like things will be back to normal by Monday. Crisis averted......

Supreme Court Musings

I seem to be having a bit of writer's block today. It seems like there is so much going on: the new supreme court nominee, additional bombings in London, and China kind of sorta revaluing the Yuan, but I do not feel a great desire to write about anything specific. I do not even have anything from my personal life that I feel would be of interest.

However, I ultimately decided I would do some general meandering on the supreme court nominee, Judge John Roberts Jr. Suprisingly, this nomination has not caused any extreme amounts of angst in me. He looks like a good guy and has a solid business background (socially I am liberal and fiscally I border on conservative).

He very well may be the stealth candidate that the social conservatives are looking for. Other than a statement that he appeared to help author regarding the overturning of Roe v. Wade, it does not seem like there is much to pin this guy down on in regard to ideological thoughts and issues. He is Catholic, which always calms me down (although Scalia is also Catholic), but for some reason, I tend to believe Catholics are a little more open minded and socially aware than their evangelical Christian cousins (despite what their fire breathing pope says). However, I could be wrong. The Dobsons and Sheldons of the world seem to be happy with the choice and that does worry me.

Before I had time to properly do any research on this fellow, I read only the blip about his long ago stance on Roe v. Wade. I called my boyfriend and started ranting about the direction this country is taking. I had given up - I essentially told him that the religious right could have the court and do what they will. "Go ahead and reverse Roe v. Wade and see how it feels when your daughters are dying in alley ways from botched illegal abortions" was one of my comments. Ok - a little dark and severe (and my boyfriend basically told me that). I can only hope that Roberts most recent statements on Roe v. Wade hold true - that is the "settled law of the land," and he does not bring his socially conservative thoughts to the bench (like Scalia does).

Still not sure why I do not feel a "fire in my belly" regarding this. Have I given up? I guess I ultimately realize we will get no liberal nomination and maybe Roberts is not as bad as what could be forced down our throats. The scariest thought is - am I just sick of fighting?

A bonus post today....

I thought the attached article was excellent (regarding the housing market and a focus on the type of risky financing being employed by so many folks).

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8574006/page/2/

Also, here is the link for the HBO documentary (see last post) - "Pretty Things." It is worth checking out. One other observation - why do all these women have horribly decorated homes in the desert?

http://www.hbo.com/docs/programs/prettythings/index.html

When Divas Get Old.

Last night I watched a weird documentary on HBO about old burlesque queens from the 1940's and 1950's. From the first moments I was hooked. A young woman was going from place to place interviewing these former divas (who are now all in their 70's and 80's) while flashing back to pictures and movie clips from their days of glory. It was fascinating.

It was also depressing. These women were beautiful in their prime. Great bodies, good skin, perky breast and now..... Well, they all looked like hell. As a gay man, I can pretty quickly go down the dark path of obsessing over my looks and, more particularly, my fading youth. With each passing year I find myself buying a little more at the Kiehls counter and paying more attention to those crows feet that seem to be getting a little deeper each and every day.

However, when I start to go down the path of wallowing in self pity on the simple fact that I am 35 (and 40 is right around the corner), I have to yank myself out of that mind track and appreciate the benefits of my age. I appreciate the "wisdom" I like to think I have gained over the past few years and also appreciate the financial security I have gained. I remember the stressful years of my 20's where money was often short - not a fun time.

So, I always need to remind myself that my goal is to age gracefully. Of course, I will do certain things to keep looking good: exercise, skin care products, etc. However, I will not go down the slippery slope of plastic surgery. We all have the 60 something gay male friend that has done this and now looks like some type of burn victim (do they really think it looks normal).

Of course, the last thoughts that wandered through my mind as I fell asleep watching this documentary was the need to enjoy every moment now. The day will come when no one looks at me when I enter a bar. I need to be prepared to accept that. The initial impulse is to go out and sleep with as many men as possible and hold on to that youth and beauty for as long as I can. Fortunately, all that wisdom I have earned helps me realize this comes with risks and, in the long run, does not compare to a relationship......

The Boyfriend Index.

This is a concept I have been working on for a few weeks now. In fact, I think my friends are sick of me spouting my theories on such. However, I cannot help but relate the ups and downs of my relationship to that of the stock market.

In other words, there are times when the boyfriend index is high and there are times when the boyfriend index is low. Now I am not saying that these highs and lows are correlated to the stock market (however, in cases where the market is down, we both could be cranky enough to cause the boyfriend index to lower). Rather, they appear to move independently of one another.

I have and continue to struggle with the low periods. I was raised in the Midwest with the expectations were that you always put on a happy face no matter what issues were really troubling you. It has taken some time (and therapy) to get to the point where I can actually admit that sometimes things just do not go perfectly right.

So, I developed the boyfriend index. For some reason it seems easier to couch relationship woes in terms of "the boyfriend index is low today" versus saying, "he continues to be in the closet to his family and left me alone at home on Sunday while he went to a family event." Whatever, the case it is a good thing. I am sure we all know the couple who keep the big smiles and everything is perfect attitude every time you meet them. I now look at these folks with a little bit of pity - why lie? I will respect you more if you can admit to a few cracks in the foundation of the relationship (and we all have them).

By the way, the boyfriend index is high today......

Numbers.

I migrated to a new cell phone a few weeks ago. It was a major change for me as I am not an "early adopter" when it comes to new technology. I can count the number of cell phones I have had on one hand. This last version (work provided) ultimately started to fail me after three long years. The replacement phone (also work provided) is a Blackberry/phone combo. The jury is still out as to how much I like it. However, given the price (free), I will stumble along with it.

Anyway, today I finally got around to transferring the remaining numbers out of my old phone into my new phone. For the most part everything had already migrated over as the new phone interacts directly with Outlook. I must admit I am an organization freak and love keeping a neat and tidy contacts list in Outlook. You just never know when some prior networking is going to payoff......

As I indicated, most people that I am regularly in contact with or business relationship automatically transferred, however, there were the "stragglers." I was kind of surprised at the number of stragglers and realized that they fell into two distinct categories: former dates or former hook ups. For the most part, the entry in my cell phone was simply a first name - sometimes there was sometype of geographic indicator attached as well (in the case of a common name).

It was a disturbing yet fun exercise as I tried to remember who "Chris LA" or "Luke" was. Did we go on a date or was he someone I invited over to my hotel room on one of those many lonely nights when I was staying over at UCLA (while getting my MBA)? I must admit that most of the names and numbers did not have any memories associated with them (i.e., I could not remember who the heck these guys were). A few I did remember and would either cringe (bad date or hook up) or smile (fun date or really hot sex).

If nothing else, it made me realize how quickly people can come in and out of your life in this internet age.

The Restless Ones

So, this morning (Saturday), I got up at the ungodly hour of 6:15 to go train with my AIDS marathon training group. What drives me to leave a warm bed with an even warmer boyfriend in it? I debated for a few minutes - snuggled next to my boyfriend and was so reluctant to get up and go run with a group of people I hardly know. However, I did it.

As always, to my never ending surprise, I had a great time. It was a wonderful overcast morning (given all the sun we get in Southern California, a run in the shade is always much appreciated), and I had amazing conversations with several individuals in the group.

Based on the conversations I had with these interesting and accomplished folks, I realized something: I am a member of the "restless ones." We are the types that cannot sit still and are always looking to try something different, learn something new, and meet new people. It is both a blessing and a curse.

I look at my friends who are so content with their daily lives - work all day and watch television at night. I just had an interesting conversation with one of my best friends, who had a second date with one of the restless ones. My friend indicated the guy did "not like to watch tv" and that was a potential drawback in the relationship. The comment shocked me.

Being one of the restless ones, I find it hard to sit through a half hour tv show. I feel like I need to be doing something to improve myself or my status in life. I often find myself updating Quicken or reading a book while half-heartedly listening to a tv show in the background. Not that this pertains entirely to watching or not watching tv. I grow restless with people that I do not find interesting. I grow restless when my job does not stimulate me. I get anxious if my calendar is not chock full of new and exciting experiences.

However, the bar keeps getting set higher and higher. When I find something I like, I plunge in. Ultimately, it too becomes old and tired - my interest wanes. When will I ever reach a level of contentment? Or worse yet, will a point in time come where I can longer find anything new and different to keep me occupied?

At the end of the day, I think I prefer being one of the restless ones. It allows me to grow and constantly discover. However, I periodically give an envious glance to those who choose not to be restless.....

Happy Birthday Cameron

My nephew turns 8 today. Hard to believe - they say time flies and it really seems like the past 8 years have done just that.

I cannot help but reflect on the monumental amount of change that has transpired in the past 8 years (both from a personal and world view). In 1997, I was married (to a woman), living in the suburbs of St. Louis, and preparing for a 5 month work stint in Germany. Cameron was born 15 days before I was to depart for Germany. I did not get a chance to see him prior to leaving (as my sister and her family were in Chicago) and did not get to meet the little guy until December of the same year.

I could write a whole book on the voyage from July 1997 to today, but will keep this post brief. Obviously, the world has changed considerably in those 8 years. I had never logged onto the internet at this time 8 years ago - I did for the first time a few months later. Bill Clinton was in the White House, the economy was booming, and terrorism was something that happened someplace else. Wow - what a change.

So, today, I wonder what Cameron's life holds for him. I can only hope and pray that some of the negatives of the last 5 years reverse themselves at some point. I hope he continues to grow up in an environment of tolerance and understanding where he knows and is proud of the fact that he has two gay uncles (yes, my brother is gay as well). I worry about the competition he will face out there - getting into the right school, finding a strong career path in an increasingly competitive global economy, and, most importantly, be able to balance it all and enjoy life.

So, Happy Birthday, Cameron. Even though your uncle in California does not get to see you all that often, he is thinking of you....

Real Estate Rantings

Day two of the blog..... Hoping I can keep this up as it is pretty therapeutic to get my thoughts down on virtual paper. I must say I like the concept that someone could actually read this.

So, yesterday's entry is a nice lead in for everyone's favorite topic of discussion - the housing market (or the real estate bubble as you see it labeled everywhere in the press). I must say that I enjoyed the conversations for quite some time. Similar to the late 1990's it is fun to talk about an asset that you own that has been defying all logical expectations in regard to appreciation.

I moved to "fabulous" Orange County in 2000 (job transfer from St. Louis, Missouri). I was freaked out about home prices - the stock market had just peaked and I had some concerns regarding the future of the economy. Nonetheless, I really did not want to rent an apartment. That being said, I was looking at $300,000 town homes when I had purchased an actual house in St. Louis 5 years earlier for $98,500. I took the plunge, which is really what Californians do - just jump in the real estate pool and hope for the best - and bought a $266,000 townhouse. Cute, but nothing special. Fast forward five years and this little townhouse is worth over $600,000. That is just over 25% appreciation per year on the purchase price and an incredible amount of return on the meager 5% I put down! Who would not want to talk about that!

However, I have tired of the relentless talk. It is everywhere you look. People are maniacal about real estate. I think the tipping point came when I went to one of these master planned communities in Irvine. They were releasing phase 5 of this development the next day (condos). The entry level condo was just north of $500,000, and was a true condo - no yard, small, people living above or below you. We went a full 24 hours before the "release event," and people were camped out - first come first serve. Total herd mentality. I was so put off by the marketing techniques of the mighty Irvine Company (although the MBA in me admired the "slickness" of it all). They build these events to totally push buyers into "panic" mode (i.e., "I have to get into this phase"). They seed the events with a few people who bought in the last phase - these folks talk about how their house has appreciated $25,000 in just one month and the folks hoping and praying for a piece of the next phase want in all the more.

As a result, you get people doing absolutely crazy things - 0% down, interest only loans, option pay (the scariest of them all). Why should they worry? Surely the housing market will continue to appreciate at 25% per year. Of course, another scary aspect is the amount of tax burden these folks are taking on. A good friend and his partner just bought in one of these master communities. Total purchase price was over $800,000 for a detached condo. Taxes on this little slice of heaven will run them north of $15,000 per year.

This has to stop - incomes have not kept up with the increases in home prices and the lenders have been fueling this final push of growth.

In the meantime, I am staying put in my cute little condo with its 15 year fixed rate loan at 4.75%.........

My First Blog

A blog - new territory for me. I know I enjoy writing and I also like the concept of others actually seeing what I am writing (well - maybe - does anyone actually read some of these blogs that exist). So, what pushed me to this effort?

Crazy. The guy I fell in love with almost four years ago. It sounds funny to say - it only lasted three months, but has had a lasting impact on me. The internet provides this great mechanism to "spy" on those who enjoy being in the "public" eye. Of course, we continued to chat over the years - under the guise of a "friendship." As he always said, "we are both great guys, our timing was just off." So great guys can still be friends right? So, I kept the communication channels open and when they broke down or were slow, I could monitor him via Friendster, his blog, or his failed run for public office.

I watched and listened when he met a guy who was "just some guy I am dating." I also watched and listened when he, told me he was moving back to LA from SF and that, oh by the way, "that guy" was moving with him. He continued to downplay the whole thing - "we will give it a try - there is a very good probability that it will not work." I am not sure why we feel we have to downplay the status of our new boyfriends with our old boyfriends. I know I am guilty of the same thing. Maybe we are trying to protect them from the harsh reality of "you were not the one, but he is."

In March of this year, I ran into them. It was a total Sex in the City moment. My boyfriend had dropped me off at the mall and he went to drop a few things off at his office. I walked out of a store and literally ran into my ex and "that guy." Fortunately, I do well under pressure and came across extremely smooth and polished. "That guy" on the other hand, did not (or maybe it was me hoping that he was not as smooth and polished as me). Small talk was exchanged. My boyfriend called me on my cell and the couple indicated they needed to get going. As I walked into Banana Republic to try and continue my shopping, my heart was racing and the world was spinning. My boyfriend could even tell something was wrong (on the phone). On a side note - significant discussions were held between my boyfriend and I later that day as to why this guy from 4 years ago still causes me so much angst.

So, that was it. It was now time to write the ex off - no more Friendster, no more blog, no more phone calls. Every time I heard of him or saw him, it caused too much heartache. Plus, I am dating a great guy, who deserves so much more than me holding the torch for something that happened so long ago.

I was doing great - until yesterday. I was just back from vacation, was coming down with a cold, and just overall not in a good place. It was slow at work and I thought, "I will just take a look at the blog - how much can that hurt?"

"We have put an offer down on a home" were the first words I saw.

Confusion, anger, pain - and now I am blogging.