Katrina and Her Horrible Waves

Similar to the Southeast Asian tsunami of last year, I find myself reading all of the coverage of the hurricane and its aftermath in the deep south. The images are horrifying. It is so hard to believe that a major American city has been evacuated and virtually abandoned until the situation stabilizes.

My heart goes out to all of the folks in these areas. I remember what it was like living through the major flooding that we experienced in the Midwest in 1993 and, although I was not personally impacted, I did know several people who were flooded. Water can be a horrible thing and these poor folks in New Orleans have a tough road ahead of them (drying out, mold, etc.).

Obviously, there is no bright side to this situation and I am not one to make humor of a tragedy, but I must say the most interesting headline I saw regarding the coverage was: "138 Walmarts Damaged by Hurricane." I need say no more.

Chatty Cathy

I never realized just how much I am on the phone until I became responsible for paying my own cell phone bill. A few months ago, my company switched the billing method for our company provided cell phones. Previously, I never saw the bill and just chatted happily away without any thought as to how many minutes of peak air time I was racking up. However, all things must come to an end (seems to be especially true in corporate America) and I was told that I needed to obtain my own plan, pay the bills, and then submit them for reimbursement. Ugh.

So, I talked to the friendly Verizon representative and determined that a 900 peak minute plan should work just fine for me. 900 minutes - 15 hours a month - surely that would be plenty of peak air time for me.....

Boy was I wrong, my first full month bill came in and I had logged a whopping 1,492 peak minutes! Of course, the amount of the bill was also a shocker - $246.12 - I guess the phone companies and auto finance companies wrote their "overage" policies based on the same book - charge out the a**. I was in shock - how could I have talked almost 25 hours during peak hours? I went to the internet and downloaded the detail of all my calls into Excel. Turns out I was averaging just north of 60 minutes per day.

I had to walk through my daily phone use in my head. I came to realize that I am almost always on the phone while driving. In the morning on the way to work, I am talking with one of three friends (or the boyfriend if he is not at work), and on the way home from work, I am talking to the boyfriend or a friend. The sad thing is: my commute is only 15 minutes or so. However, if I am in conversation when I arrive, I will keep it going until I get into the office or, if I am at home, I will continue to talk while I do all of those "just got home things" like getting the mail, opening windows, etc.

Whatever the case, I realized I am a talker. Of course, my first reaction was to pull back and end this madness. However, as I thought about it, talking on the phone can be much more productive than other pursuits. And, hey, most of it is during "down" time anyway..... So, I will modify a few things - probably the biggest not using my cell phone when I am at home, but I will continue to enjoy my daily conversations with multiple folks and continue to live up to my status as a "chatty cathy."

Quick Friday Post

I am only working a whopping three hours today as I have to hit the 405 north before it turns into a parking lot. Tonight is the third anniversary party for my boyfriend's practice. Just to brag a bit - I am very proud of him as he started a practice from scratch three years ago and now it is at capacity. Of course, after three years, he has decided he hates his job and wants to do something else, but that is a topic for another post.....

Anyway, have to cut things short today, but had to post this commentary from Bill Maher that appeared in the LA Times regarding one of my favorite topics - the housing bubble:

But don't let me burst your bubble
By Bill Maher
You don't have to remember history, but you do have to remember Thursday. The bursting of the Nasdaq bubble was only five years ago. People lost a trillion dollars. And here we are today with real estate prices across the country that could aptly be compared to Courtney Love: irrationally high and about to collapse.

I don't want to say there's a housing bubble, but I had a refrigerator delivered this morning and a homeless guy offered me $3 million for the box. Not to burst your bubble, but all bubbles do burst. And we learned this recently. It's not just that grandma was alive the last time it happened. You were alive. Eminem was on the radio. Just like now because, again, it wasn't that long ago.
You know, one argument hurled against marijuana use is that it affects your short-term memory. You know, one argument hurled against marijuana use is that it affects your short-term memory. If that's true, then a) Americans, b) the real estate market must be pretty high.

But let me correct one thing: not all Americans. This bubble isn't all across the country. Score one here for the red states, because it's apparently only in the savvy, liberal do-gooder coastal blue areas that greed and stupidity have taken over.

When real estate collapses, people will go bankrupt, which will take down the banks, which all along have really owned their homes, which will bring down the markets and then the dollar. And the GOP will win an election based on renaming Amtrak the Jesus Choo Choo and the whole thing will fester to the point where Plan B is to live in caves and barter.

Luckily for me all my money is tied up in Google, sunscreen and guns.

We're a nation swimming in debt, and when we reach our credit limits we artificially inflate the prices of our homes and borrow more. People are refinancing — borrowing on the equity that doesn't really exist and will soon go down — to treat themselves to extravagances, like a full tank of gas.

And do you know who holds most of our national debt? Asians. The only thing standing between us and foreclosure is the fact that Angelina Jolie is holding most of their children.

But I digress. The point was about how supposedly intellectual, superior coastal elites are the ones dumping thousands into mortgages they can't afford, proving once and for all how much people will pay not to live in Kansas.

Well, that is kind of true. In a recent survey here in my beloved adopted state of California, nine out of 10 people said they had or would give up everything to live somewhere where they might see porn stars at the gas station.

And people are so impressed with themselves about the prices: "Wow, you bought a home in Stockton 20 years ago and now it's worth $1 million? You're Nostradamus!" Except Nostradamus is the same guy who lost a fortune in 2000 when Tubesocks.com went belly-up.

What don't Americans get about "you're only rich on paper?" If there's one thing that Republicans schooled in the ways of Wall Street have taught us, it's this: Don't spend money you don't have; spend money other people don't have.

Bill Maher is host of HBO's "Real Time with Bill Maher" and author of "New Rules: Polite Musings From a Timid Observer."

Gas Caps?

So, I figured I should probably address the recent spikes in the price of oil and, accordingly, gas. I must admit I went into a bit of sticker shock yesterday when I filled up my tank - total bill was $45.68. Fortunately, I am one of the lucky ones. My daily commute is maybe 10 miles round trip and I have the once a week "big" trip up to LA and back. So, I generally fill my tank up every other week. However, that alone is around $200 a month just on fuel cost!

I think about folks I work with that commute over 30 miles each way to work. They have to fill up weekly or even twice a week. Their fuel cost could easily be $400 or more per month - that is virtually a car payment! This is no joking manner and I can now see why it is getting the press it is.

However, I was a little dismayed to see the news on Hawaii implementing gas price caps. What ever happened to a free market and supply and demand determining price? In my mind this will accomplish nothing. While the recent ramp up in prices is a bit of harsh medicine (and, unfortunately, those who can afford it the least are the ones who will suffer the most), it is a wake up call to us all. We need to stop the madness - this huge reliance we have on oil.

When prices hit these levels, people actually start to think about the stupid things they are doing. I am hoping all Hummer owners (probably the most blatant display of ignorance) are thinking a little more about their decisions to purchase this obnoxious vehicle while they are filling their tanks up. I also hope people realize that urban sprawl comes with a price - that home in a far flung suburb may have been cheaper than something central, but some of that advantage is quickly diminishing as the price of your daily commute creeps up.

Of course, the broad economic ramifications of these price increases are huge. Will this be the event that pushes the economy over the edge into recession? Remember, the economy has continued to steam ahead due almost entirely to the American consumer. At some point, the rampant consumption has to slow down (especially since a great degree of it is being funded by personal debt). It will be an interesting next few months if oil prices remain at these levels (or even increase more).

On a side note, a friend of mine went shopping for a Prius today and found out the wait list was 6 months. Apparently, some people are already changing behaviors in regard to fuel consumption....

95

My Grandma turns 95 today - wow - that is old. She is my last surviving grandparent and is sitting out her remaining days on this earth in a nursing home in Central Illinois. Unfortunately, in the last five years of so, she has seen serious dementia set in and is really no longer "with us" in the traditional sense. That being said, her dementia is a happy one and when you go to visit she talks endlessly about gardening she has done during the day, cake baking, car trips, etc. - none of which actually transpired. However, she is happy and that is all that matters - despite how painful it is for those who love her to see her this way.

She was one of my favorite people when I was growing up - that special bond between a little gay boy and his grandma is a special one. I was very fortunate that my grandparents were so involved in my life. We all lived in the same area and would see each other at least once a week if not more.

So, 95 - she was born in 1910 - exactly 60 years before me. Only 10 years into a new century that is now over. I cannot help but think about the fundamental change she witnessed during her 95 years. She was born into abject poverty in a coal mining town outside of St. Louis. I remember going to visit my Great Grandma in the house where my Grandma grew up. It was a company house - the coal mining company had built and owned the whole town. It was a pretty miserable place, however, we loved it as kids. It had such strange and fascinating items as a cistern, a summer kitchen (a separate structure used for cooking in the scorching Midwestern summers), and only a toilet with no shower or bath inside (this was a 1960's enhancement as prior to that there was an outhouse). Quite opposite from the life I was born into with indoor plumbing, air conditioning, etc.

It is interesting to compare where my Grandma was at in various points of her life versus my life. I can only imagine what her 35th birthday was like. World War II had just ended. My Grandpa had avoided the draft due to a heart problem, but spent the war building tanks at a local factory. I wonder if rationing had ended by then? Did she splurge on sugar and flour and make a cake? Was it a scorching hot day without any air conditioning? Whatever, the case, her life was worlds apart from mine.

However, we were fortunate enough to share a significant amount of time together and, even more importantly, created a special bond between the two of us. So, happy 95th birthday Grandma. Even though I do not get to see you that often (and even when I do you think I am your long dead brother), I think of you often and love you very much.

Second Thoughts on Dr. Frist

My blog of July 30 threw some partial praise on Bill Frist for taking a contrary stance to the White House on the expansion of stem cell lines. As I noted in that blog, this was a very welcome development as I was beginning to doubt his scientific background when he "diagnosed" Terri Shiavo via video tape.

Alas, Dr. Frist has done a complete turnaround again.... This is from today's Wall Street Journal:

"Senate leader First echoed Bush in urging "intelligent design" be taught with evolution. Democrats say he sacrifices science for evangelical votes."

San Francisco

My apologies for skipping a weekday post.... I had a short weekend trip up to San Francisco and, in my rush, to get everything in order, the daily post for Friday fell to the wayside. I am sure my one or two readers (if that) were upset - so, my apologies again.

Anyway, as mentioned, I did a quick weekend trip to San Francisco. My boyfriend has a board meeting up there today and tomorrow and we figured what better excuse to head up a little early and spend some time in one of our favorite cities.

The boyfriend had to work on Saturday, so, I took the opportunity to head up a little early and explore on my own. Of course, my flight was delayed somewhat due to heavy fog at SFO - not uncommon at this time of the year. However, when I finally arrived, the fog had burnt off and the sun was shining. We were staying at a great new hotel on the Embarcadero - just across from the Ferry Building.

After checking in, I put on my running garb and took a run down to the new ballpark and then back up to the North Beach area. It was a great run and I started wondering why I lived in Southern California versus San Francisco.

It is a pretty common conversation between me and my boyfriend - the desire to live in San Francisco versus LA. For whatever reason, we can both "see" ourselves in San Francisco much more than we can "see" ourselves in LA. After my run, I went to the Ferry Building for lunch and sat and people watched for quite some time. I noticed the people in San Francisco looked different. There was none of the "flash" that you so often see in Southern California. No bared midriffs, bejeweled flip flops, and collagen injected lips. In fact, I spotted many polar fleece tops and, can you believe it, multiple pairs of Teva sandals. I loved it.

Maybe I was projecting something on these folks, but they seemed much happier just hanging out with their friends and families. There appeared to be none of the LA style glancing around to see and be seen. They were simply enjoying the day and not wrapped up in how good they looked.

Of course, not all is perfect in San Francisco. The next day, my boyfriend and I took a walk through the Tenderloin. This neighborhood fascinates us simply because of how terrible it is and its location right next to Union Square - the high end shopping area of the city. You can literally walk three blocks from Gucci and hit skid row. Anyway, our urban hike through this neighborhood was brisk as even I was a little freaked out (and I have been through some bad neighborhoods in my day). The homeless were everywhere - including the filthy man who pulled his dick out and started peeing in our direction.

Of course, all cities have their issues and I must commend San Francisco for at least being realistic about problems such as the homeless, drugs, etc. However, being the liberal bastion that it is, cutting edge programs to help these folks out probably result in even more folks with similar problems coming here.

Whatever the case, I will take the "edge" any day - this is reality. A few months ago, I was grabbing a coffee at a very upscale strip mall in Newport Beach (Orange County). Next to the gurgling fountain outside the coffee shop, all the good mothers of Newport Beach were relaxing with their beautiful children and soaking up the perfection of their environment. Suddenly, a homeless man appeared out of one of the side corridors. Lord knows how he had made his way to Newport Beach and I am sure his additional time there was very limited. However, he staggered his way to the fountain and started to scream cuss words at the top of his lungs. The good women of Newport Beach were horrified. I laughed the whole way back to my car. Welcome to reality, ladies.

So, I guess that is what I like so much about San Francisco - the reality of it all. The people are more "real" and do not isolate themselves from reality. Of course, my desired place to live just happens to be one of the few places in the nation with higher home prices than Southern California. Plus, my boyfriend's practice is in LA. So, we will do our best to continue to be "real" here and surround ourselves with like minded folk - they do exist in Southern California - you just have to look a little harder to find them.....

30 Posts

So, I have completed 30 posts. Congratulations to me - cannot believe I have been able to keep it up. I must admit that this past week and a half has contained some of my weaker "stuff." However, I am hoping my creative side picks back up soon and I can continue writing witty and insightful blogs (or so I like to think).

An update on the reason the whole blog started (if you are not aware of the reasons, go back to the very beginning)..... Anyway, I am doing much better. Perhaps blogging has helped, but I have been able to pull my focus away from obsessing about a failed three month relationship and started focusing on my life, which, as I look at it, is pretty darn good.

For a period, I would wake up and the ex would be the first thing that popped into my mind. I am happy to report this is no longer occurring. I have found it is very useful to focus on my personal development and not worry so much about what others are doing (still hard to do, but the benefits of doing this are tremendous). So, I will continue writing (I am also kind of writing a personal finance book along with my blogging - not sure if it will ever materialize as I seem to love procrastinating with it) and focus on the important things in life: my boyfriend, my friends, running, traveling, and just enjoying life.

Ok - this is starting to sound a bit like a personal ad on Match.com - all I need to add is something about "romantic dinners and long walks on the beach" and it will be complete......

Housing Bubble Tidal Waves?

I thought the worst was over. After seeing housing bubble articles everywhere a month or so ago - on the front page of national news magazines, article after article in the newpapers, and discussions on all major tv news shows, I thought we had gotten it out of our system. I thought the wave had crested or the bubble had reached maximum size, and we were now on the way down.

I was wrong. Today's Wall Street has at least 4 articles on the real estate market (and I am not even through reading it). It is funny how the tidal waves of coverage on this topic keep coming and coming. I used to devour this stuff and now I just scan it.

However, the news does not look good. Interest rates are rising, the increases in home prices are slowing donw, oil prices are sky high, and inflation seems to be creeping up - seems like all the ingredients for a perfect storm. All we need is a terrorist attack on US soil to serve as a catalyst to really push things over the edge. Once again, I am scared.

On a lighter note, I loved the creativity of the folks who came up with the "Mr. Housing Bubble" t-shirt. Link is:

http://www.t-shirthumor.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Product_Code=hbbl&Category_Code=newr

Disney Freaks

My brother and his partner are moving back to Chicago after a nine year stint in Orlando, Florida. Apparently, 5 or so hurricanes in a row made them realize that Florida is not the ideal spot they once thought it was. What made them move there in the first place?

Disney. My brother and his partner share a mutual fascination for all things Disney. It all started innocently enough. They both enjoyed going to Orlando for vacation. Then they joined the Disney collectibles club. Soon a curio cabinet in their house was filled with "priceless" ceramic figurines of Mickey Mouse, Snow White, and other Disney luminaries.

On one of the many trips to Orlando, they decided to purchase a time share via Disney Vacations (do not even get me started on the financial wisdom of purchasing a time share). After a few more vacations there, they decided to just move there.

I must admit it was nice having a brother in a warm climate (this was prior to my move to California). However, I found Orlando to be a little boring and tacky. Once you have done each theme park once, I do not see the need to ever go back. However, the masses continue to visit over and over again. What am I missing here?

Last night, I stumbled across a set of 5 "Classic Disney CD's" that I had purchased many years ago when I fell in love with a guy who was, in fact, a Disney freak. I took the opportunity to download some of my favorite songs to my iPod. Listening to the songs, I cannot help but smile. They are all so happy and filled with hope. I guess that is the Disney magic that hooks people in. Ultimately, it is a refuge from the harshness of reality.

So, I get it. Well, at least I can understand how someone could devote a significant amount of time and energy to all things Disney. However, do not expect me to be setting up that curio cabinet anytime soon.......

A Little More re: Kansas

Kind of a busy day today, so, I am going to have to cut the post short. However, I absolutely loved the below piece from Friday's Wall Street Journal - echos my thoughts in my "What's up with Kansas" piece exactly.

SCIENCE JOURNAL
By SHARON BEGLEY

U.S. Science Research
Is in Danger of Losing
Place on Cutting Edge
August 12, 2005; Page B1

News last week that scientists in South Korea had cloned a dog -- something no other researchers had ever managed -- was more surprising for the what than the who. Dogs are notoriously tough to clone, so the achievement was unexpected. But the scientists who pulled it off were exactly the ones the smart money had bet on.

In 2004, they cloned the first human embryo and extracted stem cells from it; earlier this year they became the first to create new lines of embryonic stem cells containing the DNA of patients with diseases or injuries, the first step toward cellular therapies custom tailored to a patient's genetic profile.

The fact that Seoul has become Cloning and Stem Cell Central has ratcheted up a concern that has been growing for years: Is the U.S. losing its decades-long pre-eminence in science? And if so, does it matter?

The numbers suggest that the answer to the first question is yes. According to the National Science Foundation, the U.S. share of scientific and engineering papers (a measure of how much knowledge researchers are generating) has been on a steady decline. From almost 40% in 1988, the U.S. share had fallen to 30% by 2001 (the last year for which the count is in), and is likely even lower now. That reflects, in particular, the rising scientific output of China, South Korea, Singapore and Taiwan.

As recently as 1995, the U.S. was the top producer of scientific knowledge, with about 200,000 papers. Since then, Western Europe has sprinted past, producing almost 230,000 papers in 2001. The U.S. was stalled at 200,000. Asia graduates more science and engineering Ph.D.s than the U.S. does; Europe graduates 50% more.

Unless you treat science the way the media do Olympics, with country-by-country medal counts obscuring the inspiring achievements, it's not obvious why the U.S.'s fall from dominance should cause concern, at least for patients. Ill Americans benefit from the antipsychotic drug Risperdal, invented in a lab in Belgium. The extract that formed the basis for the cholesterol-lowering drug Mevacor emerged from a lab in Spain. Americans don't need a passport to benefit from either.

That more smart people around the world are making more discoveries "portends well for the future of all humankind," Alan Leshner, CEO of the American Association for the Advancement of Science, argued in an editorial in Science.

"Do we have to trump the entire world?" he asked me rhetorically. "Probably not. That more papers are coming from outside the U.S. doesn't upset me nearly as much as the fact that cutting-edge scientists are leaving because they can't do research here" as a result of strict limits on human embryonic stem-cell studies. (It is illegal to use federal money for research like the Koreans', for example.) "This overlay of values onto research is a very alarming development."

That's the nub of it. It's one thing to lose pre-eminence, it's quite another to lose eminence, and that's where the U.S. is heading.

"Americans are rightfully proud of the research we do, but this is not the only place really great science is being done these days," says Evan Snyder of the Burnham Institute, La Jolla, Calif., a leader in stem-cell research. "Countries that never had a tradition of cutting-edge biomedical research now have an entrée as a result of U.S. [stem-cell] policy. Americans are at a disadvantage in not having the opportunity to develop the technical know-how."

One sign of how besieged he and others feel: Lab space financed with private or state money for studies that can't be legally done with federal money is called a "safe haven."

Allowing a minority opinion to stifle research is only one symptom of politics undermining science. Some appointees to federal scientific advisory panels have been chosen for their ideology rather than their expertise; staffers with no research credentials alter the scientific (not only the policy) content of reports on climate change. Politicians' attacks on the science of evolution continue, even though "intelligent design" may make a fascinating lesson for a philosophy class, but is not biology.

"This anti-scientism couldn't be more damaging to young people contemplating devoting their life to research," says neuroscientist Ira Black, whose own stem-cell institute in New Jersey has been stalled by political red tape. "The sense of opportunity that was always predominant in the U.S. now lies elsewhere."

Since scientific innovation has long fueled economic growth, there is a danger "that the U.S. will no longer be dominant in innovation," says G. Wayne Clough, president of the Georgia Institute of Technology and a member of the President's Council of Advisors on Science and Technology. "A larger number of international patents are being obtained overseas, R&D facilities are moving overseas. If we are not innovating here, the economic benefits will go elsewhere, too."

An interesting battle will come when a lab in Singapore or Seoul or Britain uses embryonic stem cells to develop a therapy for diabetes or Parkinson's or heart disease. Its use in the U.S. would require approval by the Food and Drug Administration. Will opponents of stem-cell research demand that the FDA reject it and deprive patients of their only hope?

On-Line Dating Fun!

I had some great email exchanges with a good friend yesterday regarding on-line dating. I adopted this form of dating fairly early on - utilized Planetout way back in 2000 (does Planetout even still exist?). Whatever the case, the internet has transformed dating - you can have a date every weekend as a result. I know - I often had two dates on the same day! What can I say.... Dating is a numbers game.

Anyway, my friend was freaking out a bit as he had emailed a cute guy on Match.com two days prior and the guy had not responded back yet. He was asking me my thoughts as I had related the story of my boyfriend and our meeting on Match.com a few years ago.

I must admit, to a degree, I loved on-line dating. It was like a supermarket of men and you could screen them anyway you wanted. I had certain "parameters" around my on-line dating. I was always very selective in regard to who I emailed (generally liked guys to email me first, but if you see something you like out there, you have to go for it). Be careful with how many emails you send out at any given time though as you do not want to be overwhelmed with responses.

I always envisioned a dating "pipeline" - at any given time there could be 0 to 10 guys in the dating pipeline. If the pipeline was empty, I would do an email "blast." In other words, I would log in to Match.com, spend an hour or so finding candidates and then send emails to each. As noted earlier, try not to do more than 5. Then, you sit back and wait for the responses.

This is what happened with my boyfriend. I remember the morning he first popped up on Match. If you are deep in the dating trenches, you become familiar with the guys who are out there. However, when a new guy pops up (and he appears to match your desires), you jump on it. Anyway, my boyfriend popped up one morning before I left for work. He was so cute in the picture - big smile, cool glasses, messy hair, and, Asian! I sent an email immediately. Four days passed..... During this time, I was sure that this great guy had met someone else and I was also sure that he was the perfect guy for me and I would never meet anyone else like this (even though I had not even met him yet)!

So, my friend was going through the same thing yesterday. I told him to calm down, take a deep breath, and just wait. Obviously, my boyfriend did email me back - it took 4 or 5 days, but it did happen. As I was relating this story to my friend, I also had one more tip on on-line dating that I will share here - this is excerpted directly from our email correspondence:

"I always found match to be the best. Of course, times have changed. However, you will note that if you list yourself on several sites, for the most part, it is the same guys on all the sites. I always fantasized about finding the untapped "mother lode" of perfect gay men in Southern California on a website. However, I think it is just a figment of our imagination.

What I do find so interesting is the number of guys who are still out there after all these years. I always found that, after three months or so of being listed, it was helpful to take a break for a month or two (pull down personal). Then repost after a certain period of time. In my mind, this showed that you were "dateable" - i.e., everyone must think that you entered into some type of quasi-serious relationship during the period - and for those who entered the dating pool while you were gone, you were "fresh meat." The person who is on there for a year straight - always made me wonder what is wrong with them......"

Anyway, just thought I would share some of these thoughts - a bit rambling, but hey, it is Friday after all.....

What's up with Kansas?

From the NY Times - "The State Board of education has approved the latest draft of science standards that include greater criticism of evolution." While I would like to say this shocks me, it does not. The religious right continues to be more and more aggressive since their president was reelected last November. Scary.

However, I wonder if the good conservative folk of Kansas ever think about their state's future. What type of education are the kids of Kansas getting - one that turns it back on scientific principles and moves toward the teaching of "intelligent design" - the new more friendly way of saying "creationism?" Ultimately, these states need to realize they are shooting themselves in the economic foot. Educated people will leave the state, companies will choose to avoid such a backward state, tax revenues will decline, and schools will only decline further.

It is an interesting situation and, I believe, a bit of a precarious one for the Republican Party. Here we have a party that has managed to hold a group of fiscal conservatives together with the religious right. What happens when their goals do not mesh? Think about stem cell research for a moment. Mr. Bush has made his position on this pretty darn clear - nothing outside of the existing stem cell lines. However, think about the huge economic opportunity that the US stands to miss here. South Korea is already zooming ahead of us in regard to research here. At a state level, look at the investment that is pouring into the state of California as a result of its more liberal approach to stem cell research versus the amount of investment going into Kansas.

Ultimately, the business minded folk of the Republican party will have to stand up to the religious right and say "stop - you are inhibiting economic growth." Will there be a schism of the party? We can only hope so.

Photos

So, last night I had a three hour flurry of getting organized. Periodically, I will hit these patches where I just feel the need to get my life in perfect order. Last night's activities started with the foot high pile of papers on top of my filing cabinet - just waiting to be filed.

It actually turned out to be a good experience. I talked to my boyfriend (on the phone) pretty much the whole time and we had some great conversation. After the filing cabinet was done, I moved onto the hall closet. I was actually just putting a few items in the closet when I noticed three old plastic storage containers in the back - all filled to the brim with photos.

I like the periodic trip down memory lane, so, I pulled the top box out. These were the most recent hard copy photos I had. It was as if my life stopped in 2001. Seriously, there was not a single picture post 2001. Everything post 2001 exists only electronically. While I have good intentions of printing some current pictures out, I just never seem to get around to it. I started to miss the days of cameras and film.

Of course, the way things work today is much better. Or is it? While it is nice to be able to post your pictures on the web and share them with everyone, the days of bringing pictures with you and sharing them personally are gone. Ok, sometimes this is a good thing - as we have all been trapped looking at boring vacation photos. However, it was always nice to take some pictures home with me to show Dad or Grandma - now I can just fire up the laptop and show them, but that seems to lack the same intimacy.

Gone are the photo albums, the boxes filled with duplicates (as there was always some special deal that made you order two or three copies, and the envelopes filled with bad pictures (i.e., someone's feet) that for some reason, you just could not throw away. These have been replaced with individual folders on my hard drive - sorted by year and then by event within the year. It is much less tangible.

Ultimately, I realize technology marches on and things change, but I have a special place in my heart for old technology that future generations will never know about. One of my favorite items at home is my Grandma's old rotary phone - a huge heavy black thing circa 1940. My family did not transition to touch tone technology until the mid-80's (just a tad behind the curve). I think about my niece and nephew and how they have no idea what a rotary phone is and have no connection with the great sound it makes. I have mine right by my bed - it does not work and is only there for decoration. However, once a week or so, I stop, pick up the receiver and begin dialing.........

Focus

My boyfriend and I were watching numerous episodes of Sex and the City this weekend (yes, he is now hooked to my pirated DVDs as well). He made more than a few comments regarding "what women" the gals of SATC were. Well, of course, they act like women, that is what the show is about. However, he dug deeper and remarked how their lives revolved around men. Obviously, it is a tv show and probably a little skewed from reality (in regard to the focus of these gals' lives).

However, I started to think about my own life and my focus. It often seems that my life revolves around men and relationships. When I think about what the largest percent of my thought time is spent on, I can honestly say that men and relationships rank up in the top 3 items. This is the total opposite of my boyfriend, who seems to rarely think of men and relationships. It appears to be more of a "plug and play" mentality with him. At one point, when he was in the dating trenches, he probably thought about it a lot. Now that he is in a relationship, he can focus on other more productive things (his work, writing a book, reading, etc.). In fact, we both note how our therapy sessions (different therapists) are totally opposite. I always talk about my relationship - he always talks about his work and the stresses associated with such.

Why is this? While working out this AM, I tried to drill down on this question. I wonder if it has to do with the fact that I got married to my college sweetheart at such a young age (23). Prior to this, I really did not date. I remained married until I was 30. Accordingly, I missed the prime years of dating and relationship "hell" that so many others go through. Granted, I spent 5 years in the trenches and feel like I should have gotten my fill, but why do I still focus on it?

When I was married, I can honestly say my focus was elsewhere. I channeled my sexual energy into work, saving for a house, and building the "perfect" life. Since 2000 (when I walked away from what I had built), I have accomplished much (bought a home, built a network of friends, obtained my MBA), but still feel as if the focus of my past 5 years has been men and relationships.

I guess I hoped it would all end once I found a boyfriend. Well, it has not. Periodically, my focus will move (for a brief period). During this time, I get so much more accomplished - I read, I write more, I do home improvement projects. I love these times. However, I ultimately slide back into the mire of obsessing over my current relationship and discussing men and relationships ad nauseam with my friends.

Who knows why my brain is wired this way. I guess that is why I am in therapy......

Pop?

Is the great housing panic finally coming to an end? Sunday's LA Times had a front page article on the slowdown in real estate sales in San Diego (one of the hottest markets of the past few years). Today's New York Times had an opinion piece by Paul Krugman indicating the bubble was hissing. I liked this analogy. Obviously, things will not crash overnight - it will take some time as homes are not like stocks (cannot be traded immediately).

Whatever the case, it is nice to see these first signs of a cooling, popping, hissing, or whatever you want to call it. Or is it? I must say that I want this madness to end for selfish reasons. I am sitting on a significant amount of equity in my current home. Prices would have to drop more than 50% before I would even be close to what I paid for the place. So, I like to think that, if prices drop say 30%, I could actually go out and afford a new home and keep my condo as a rental property. However, what are the broader ramifications of the housing frenzy coming to an end?

I do not think it will be pretty. As I have noted in previous posts, the American consumer has been the iron horse of the US economy ever since the tech bubble imploded and 9/11 happened. The American consumer has been helped in their spending spree by rapid appreciation in the value of their homes. Homes have become the new ATMs. Want to take that vacation? Send the kid to a private school? Buy that Escalade? Just take a home equity loan on the house and live in the moment!

Of course, this behavior was further helped by the Banks and their innovative financing techniques - i.e., interest only and option pay loans - that fueled growth in the housing market. So, you had two sectors of the economy growing in leaps and bounds - banking (mortgage lending) and residential construction. Of course, I live in the true epicenter of both.

You can not walk two blocks in Orange County without running into a mortgage company or a home builder. So, what happens when these industries run into trouble? Of course, the impacts are nation-wide - not just limited to Orange County. However, I think the concentration of these industries in Orange County may result in the negative impact of a slowdown being even greater here.

With a slowdown, people would be losing their jobs and there would not be plenty of new jobs for them to take. What if I were to lose my job? I like to think I could find something quickly, however, if the market is flooded with other talented folks, it could cause me to go unemployed. I have a nice cushion saved for such an event (unlike many folks out there), but there are limits as to what I can sustain from an unemployment perspective.

Wow - what a dark outlook. I can only hope I am being way too pessimistic. I guess the good thing about bubbles is the fact that everyone rises with them. Some of us rise in a much more educated and conservative manner, however, when the bubble pops it impacts us all negatively. I do not remember being this scared in 2000......

Rice Queen

Ok, I admit it - I am a rice queen. For those of you who are not familiar with this term, it means a gay white guy who is attracted primarily to asian guys. Of course, the image in your head is always of some 50-something white guy with a fresh of the boat 20-something asian guy. Fortunately, this image does not apply to me and my boyfriend as I am 35 and he is 33 (as you can probably guess the boyfriend is asian).

I actually hate the term "rice queen." However, I thought I would take a few minutes to explore the mysteries of attraction. Why am I so attracted to asian guys?

When I was 10, my family took a trip to Orlando. It was a reunion for my Dad and his airforce buddies from long ago. One of his buddies was a Japanese-American guy named Dick Watanabe. I remember being fascinated by Dick (funny how some things never change) and wanting to spend as much time with him as possible. Of course, I had never met an actual asian person prior to this (remember, I grew up near Peoria, Illinois). So, this is my first known instance of my attraction to the asian man.

Fast forward to 2000 and my coming out. I knew I was attracted to darker men and most of the guys I initially dated had black hair and olive skin. I am repulsed by red hair, blonde hair, or freckles (essentially anyone that is pale like me). Thank god there are guys out there who like us! I am also not a big fan of body hair - except in certain spots where it belongs (you get the idea). So, it makes sense that I ultimately migrated to asians as preferred dates.

However, I think I also like the concept that I perceive myself to be in "high demand" in the gay asian male market..... Let me explain (and please note I am making some broad generalizations here). I have noticed that lots of asian guys are attracted to tall white guys and are not "sticky" (another bad term - "sticky rice" - means asian guys who are attracted to other asian guys). Who knows what the reason for this is - I like to think it is the poor job TV and media do of portraying minorities in a positive light. These kids grow up thinking the tall white man is the ideal (I am 6'3). The fact that a decent percentage of gay asian guys are attracted to tall white guys coupled with the fact that a decent percentage of tall white guys are not "into" asian guys (as many state in their on-line profiles), makes me a popular guy in this market segment. So, maybe there are some components of confidence boosting that is going on here.....

Whatever, the case, at some point, I pretty much migrated to only dating asian guys (with the occasional latino here and there). So, I admit to having an admiration for the asian male (a much nicer way of saying "rice queen").

PS - The boyfriend index rebounded from yesterday's low. Chicago is booked and all is right again.

The Fight

So, I had a small fight with my boyfriend last night and it is still really bothering me. We do not fight often, but when we do, I always feels as if the whole relationship is falling apart.

This fight, like most fights, was over something stupid. However, one can probably analyze it and attribute it to deeper issues (what those are, I am not sure). Whatever the case, my boyfriend had a difficult patient call him yesterday. Actually, an ex-patient. He had done all the steps necessary to release her from his care, but she called back (apparently, she is legitimately crazy). Anyway, he called her back and she read him the riot act. He handled it perfectly, but inside was mad as hell (he let her say her piece and then got her off the phone). However, the 5 subsequent calls with me were all about her and what a "c**t" she was. I listened, told him he handled it well, and, if nothing else, this should make him appreciate his other patients all the more. I thought I was done with the issue.

I got home from the gym that evening and turned on the TV - the movie "Day After Tomorrow" was starting. I had never seen it and have a weakness for disaster movies (see my blog on Schadenfreude). So, I started watching. My boyfriend called and started the same conversation we had already had multiple times that day. He could tell I was not engaged and asked what I was watching. I told him and he said, "why don't you turn that off." I thought he was joking - turns out he was not.

Ultimately, he got pissed and hung up. I called back and we kind of sorta joked about it. However, he also kinda sorta joked about not wanting to go to Chicago with me for Labor Day (after I had already booked my ticket that day). There was a little tension in the air. I told him I would call him back and he hung up immediately without saying goodbye. I then tried calling him back multiple times and he did not answer, which always pisses me off.

He is very good at shutting down for the first few hours of any conflict and this infuriates me. He finally called back and we talked it out. However, he is still holding the Chicago thing out there - "I will book my ticket when my mood improves."

So, here I sit this AM - still pissed off, wondering what the long-term prospects of this relationship are, and contemplating the dating scene again. Dire - I know. I know that this will resolve itself and, ideally, we will have a good talk about it (always makes me feel better about the relationship). It is funny how a small fight can make you think so negatively about a relationship. It all goes back to the boyfriend index, which is very low today.......

0% Savings Rate - Way to Go!

Congratulations, American consumers, you have dipped to a savings rate of 0%! Of course, when you dig into the calculation of this savings rate, it is even worse than it sounds. I read that 401(k) withholdings are considered part of take home pay, so, if a consumer stashes away 10% in this 401(k) - obviously a good thing - but the calculations show this person has a 0% savings rate, then the person is actually spending 10% more than he takes in (via debt or liquidation of other assets). So, even though they are "saving," they are actually just treading water by assuming debt to fund their current lifestyle (while socking a little away for retirement - which will not mean anything if they have to service this debt when they retire).

Ah, the American consumer. They pulled us out of the depths of recession. Mr. Greenspan and his aggressive rate cutting made money so cheap and available, and the American consumer stepped right up to the plate and gorged himself on cheap credit.

Sometimes I think I sound like my grandparents, who lived through the depression. They were always so negative about people who "lived beyond their means" and debt was a terrible thing. Of course, I realize some debt (i.e., a mortgage) is necessary and can be structured in such a way to give you some benefits (i.e., tax savings). However, the current state of the typical American is frightening.

I wonder who these 0% savers are. I like to think that I surround myself with folks who are of a similar mindset as me. However, I am sure I have some 0% folks in my crowd.

Who knows what will happen when interest rates start to increase, housing prices stabilize or even drop, people must stop using the ATM that is also known as their house, and the economy dips into a recession. I think about the grasshopper and the ant story from my youth (I think it was an ant). As you may recall, the grasshopper played all day during the summer and the fall while the ant dutifully built housing and stored food in anticipation of the coming winter. Of course, the winter comes and the grasshopper finds himself in more than a bit of trouble. What I cannot remember is if the ant helped him - I fear the ants in the current situation will bear some of the brunt of helping all these grasshoppers one day.....

Schadenfreude

I just finished reading the Newsweek series on the rampant rise of crystal meth addiction in the US. Absolutely frightening. I have attached the link below.

I find these stories of people hitting absolute rock bottom very intriguing. One of the people noted in the attached story was a 30-something suburban Chicago housewife, who was married, earning 6 figures, and had a few kids prior to the nightmare of crystal meth taking hold. By the time she hit rock bottom she had virtually lost everything. It seems like I can read these stories of personal destruction over and over again.

I think there is a degree of Schadenfreude involved. For those of you not familiar with the term, Schadenfreude is one of my favorite German words. The Germans have a knack for creating single words for certain phrases pertaining to feelings - English does not seem to do this. Schadenfreude essentially means "taking joy in the pain of others." I think all people have a degree of this - it makes us feel stronger, better, above the rest. Think of some of the "tough love" shows out there - along the lines of Judge Judy or Dr. Laura Schlessinger. In these shows, unfortunate souls show up in court (in the case of Judge Judy) or call in (in the case of Dr. Laura, and proceed to get beaten up by the main characters over the stupid life decisions they have made. Americans eat it up. Why? Schadenfreude - "at least I am not that stupid or that unlucky."

So, I will continue to read articles of personal destruction (personal financial collapse is another favorite of mine) and actually acknowledge the reason why I enjoy reading them. It makes me feel a little evil and mean, but ultimately I recognize what it is and take comfort in the fact that the rest of the world is pretty much the same.......

As promised, here is the link to the story:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8770112/site/newsweek/

Equinox

My boyfriend joined a gym. In fact, he joined Equinox, a very trendy gym that is opening a new location just up the street from him in West LA. I am still in shock.

Don't get me wrong - my boyfriend is not some type of sloth. He goes to Pilates once a week, walks almost every night, and plays sand volleyball whenever he gets the chance. However, he has always made it clear that he hates gyms.

He is the total opposite of me in this regard. I love the gym. Maybe it is the fact that I always felt so uncomfortable in the gym during my youth and now I feel as if I have mastered the mysterious ways and means of the gym. I started working out seriously in the late 1990's and have never stopped. I generally go to the gym every night and on Tuesdays and Thursdays hit the gym twice (once in the AM for lifting and once in the evening for cardio). It is part of my routine - like brushing my teeth - and I feel terrible if I miss it.

My boyfriend, on the other hand, lacks the consistency in his workout routines. He is not out of shape, but could use a little "toning" here and there. He still turns me on, but I will not complain if he gets in better shape. Plus, I like the thought that he will be healthier and more energetic as a result. I work out primarily for these reasons (versus just looking good - although this is a nice byproduct).

The decision making process was classic. He stopped in the sales office at the beginning of July. They gave him a "special" offer of $120 per month with a $98 initiation fee. Kind of pricey, but the facility is supposed to be very nice. He thought about it for a few days and often asked me what I thought. I told him if he felt he was going to get the value out of it (i.e., go more than 10 times a month), he should do it. He ultimately decided (much to my dismay) not to join.

Yesterday was the last day of July. He received one last call from the sales office indicating that they would waive the initiation fee and only charge $110 per month if he made the decision today. Obviously, someone had a quota to make for the month. If there is one thing my boyfriend cannot resist, it is a perceived bargain. We talked about it at length - I reiterated my prior comments regarding value and how much he would utilize it. He called at least 10 friends to bounce it off them.

Finally, as he was preparing to leave for an afternoon meeting with some colleagues, he decided to take the plunge. His words as he walked out the door were something along the lines of "I know I will regret this."

When he woke up this morning, he told me "I am really glad you made me join the gym." Not sure where he got I "made him" join the gym, but it was nice to see him being so optimistic about it. He then told me he was really excited about going to the gym and getting in better shape. Of course, the gym does not open until October, but, hey, we are moving in the right direction.....